Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
