I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
