Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
