i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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