rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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