So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You don't make any sense
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