very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
