he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
