and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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