Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
