Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
