You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
