omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
