Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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