one might say we're banned from that church
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
