I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i drank out of a bidet.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
