I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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