They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
