Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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