just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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