As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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