Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
