Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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