Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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