His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
