this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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