Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
