:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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