He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
