They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
