i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want her autograph on my taint
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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