I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
