Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
