This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
