I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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