ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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