Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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