I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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