Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
