After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My ass is underappreciated
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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