i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
