I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
