Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
