you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
