There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
