FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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