My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
