No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize