Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
