piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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