Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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