my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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