Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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