I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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