Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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