So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
