Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
