Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
time to smoke my breakfast
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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