uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
