dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
