capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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