I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
