I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
