it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
