So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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