I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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