I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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