Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
