I am in a vortex of obligation.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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