yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
