You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
